Should women desert abusive husbands?

I Peter 3:1-6 reads as follows:-

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Verse 1 says that even if the husband does not obey the word, the women must be submissive so that he may be converted. This has led many churches to have no answer to the woman undergoing physical, psychological or emotional abuse from her husband. The only consolation they can give is what Peter writes – follow the example of Jesus in taking unjust suffering and look for the hope of a future reward I Peter 4:12-16.

In the context of the time when Peter wrote his epistle, there was little choice for the women as they had no standing in law or society and so quiet endurance and the hope of the future was their only consolation. But in today’s society where the women is emancipated and has options available to her, would Peter have written differently?

There were many possible interpretations expressed, all of them tenable.

1. The teaching is absolute and the women have no option but to remain with the husband unless he voluntarily leaves. I am very uncomfortable with this interpretation and have seen the havoc this has played in many lives. Women have been forced back to their abusive husbands, and seeing no solution to their problem they commit suicide, or just fade away, having lost all hope.

2. Peter would have written differently. The women have every right to escape unjust persecution from the husband and leave him, though she may not remarry. This view has the problem that the teaching of the Bible is not seen as absolute but written for a particular context. The principles are absolute, but not the details. While I am comfortable with this, many are not.

3. This is written in the context where the man is not breaking any law but is not a believer. But if the man is breaking the Law of God and of the land by inflicting physical, mental or emotional abuse then the woman has the right to break free. So the phrase “obey not the word” in verse 1 means an unbeliever and not a person who abuses the wife.

4. Peter had no intentions of replacing the Old Testament Law by a New Testament Law!! We are no longer under the Law, but are led by the Spirit (Rom 8:14). The Law is a guide but the Spirit will tell us what to do in every situation. In some case women will be asked by the Spirit to remain submissive and see the great deliverance of God. In other cases the Spirit would tell the women to leave the husband till he learns his lesson and returns or marries someone else so that she is free.  We need to be sensitive to what the guidance of the Spirit in these situations where it is not clear what we are meant to do.

Many are horrified at the fourth option. However the Bible states very clearly that we are to obey the authorities and be submissive to them. Yet the Spirit of God guided Martin Luther to disobey and rebel. So this is a possibility which cannot be rejected offhand.

While no one advocates ignoring the Law and choosing what to do by ones spiritual instinct, we do recognise that occasionally the Spirit does tell us to do something that appears contrary to the Law. This is especially true when the teaching is not 100% clear.

Since this is the exception, and not a rule, we need to be very careful when we feel that the Spirit is leading us in a direction that is not the norm. We need to discuss with elders in the church and make sure that we are not misleading ourself.